The Most Horrible Dream Ever!

(So some of these poems and stories and rantings are split between Myspace and Facebook and some won't be on either so I'm just putting them all on here so I can keep track of all of my craziness)

I had the most horrific dream ever tonight (April 2, 2009). At first it was all hunky-dory. Me in a beauty queen pageant, vampires, conspiracies to kill various people, people that I liked that tried to kill me (or were getting around to it) and your every-day love interest, etc...The normal stuff.

But out of nowhere a huge bomb was dropped about 20 minutes from where I was. A nuclear one. I ran and didn't look back but I could see it getting brighter and my shadow and other shadows getting smaller (did I mention this was at night?) I could hear, at first, only a very high-pitched sound that hurt my ears and, as it grew closer, the rumbling of the earth moving. This was not the scary part.

I blacked out and when I awoke I looked up (or what I knew to be "up") and there were no stars. There was nothing. Somehow I knew that this meant there was no more God. His glory and His majesty shown throughout the earth was gone. I wasn't really sad at first...really more in the denial phase. I called out and told Him that He couldn't be gone and that I needed Him. Then I started crying out for Him frantically, searching for some sign of His existence.

Then I awoke from what was, in my dream, about five seconds or so to see stars and I thanked God.

I dreamt a little more, I think, but when I woke up that's the part I couldn't forget. At first I was too sleepy to acknowledge the scariness of an existence with no God so I just said "Thank you. And don't you ever do that to me." But then I thought about it some more and the more I thought about it the more scary and horrible it all was. I was going to tell my dad about it but I realized that I couldn't stop myself from crying so I went into my room, cried a bit, and wrote this (in my journal) so I never take God for granted again.

P.S. On the way to the Moffitt Cancer Center God showed me some of the most amazing sights ever to remind me that even if there might be times that I don't see Him and even though it's not always like it is on the mountain (when we feel blessed and see Him so clearly), He's always there. That He'll never leave. And that He loves me.