Who?

Who has the eyes the 'spanse of the skies
A love that extends generations?

Who has the will to love us and still
Find time to watch over creation?

Who has the hands to cup all the sands
Has named every star in the heavens?

Who takes off blinds that narrows our minds
Admonition is something that gladdens.


When all is done He's still the One
Who loves me despite all my sin.

To pull me apart and give me His Heart
And bring me together again.

(This wasn't a very good one but the first couple of lines just kept going through my head and I had to get them out lol)

Past Participle

Another day
Another dawn
Another life
Another song

The things since past
Things long since gone
Are now forgotten
In light of dawn

My Heart

You've given me everything
The very breath I breathe
So I will give it back to you

The birds sing to you in the morning
The crickets chirp Your Name at night
It is Holy in all of Your creation
Even the silence sings of Your grace

The darkest of nights are bright with your Presence
The brightest of suns flinch at Your Light

The only praises worthy of You
Are the praises made up of the love You've given
So give us the words to speak
And give us the courage to speak them loud

My Heart will beat
And one day show them all
Who keeps them alive

Haiku Poems

Oh, so Wonderful
Your light that fills me up, Lord
So Precious to me

Your beauty so vast
My heart cannot help but skip
At your lovely face

Your harmony, God
To my melody sings out
Like beautiful twirls

That swirl in moonlight
Calling out to me like home
I am Yours alone

A Prayer

I want to give my heart to you, O Lord.
Fully and completely God.
You and You alone know me fully.
And yet You have loved me more than anyone.

My heart resides with you, O God.
Give it to whom you will.
Please be gentle on me, your servant, Father.
Your heart for a people lost makes me weep.
Makes me move.

Your Love is everlasting, Abba.
Your peace fills my consciousness.
Let your grace rain down on me
Don't turn away from me, a disloyal child.

Make my heart beat for you
Let me breathe in your Life.
Push me to the brink
And catch me before I fall.

Hold me in your arms like you used to.
The way a Father does his daughter.
Don't let the darkness take me in.
Don't let him win over me.

For you are Almighty
The Lord above all
All will bow before you
They can't help but worship you, Oh God.

Help us to remember you in times of great sorrow
And bring us back to the mountain.
Cover us in your presence, Jesus.
Saviour of my soul.

Heal us
Keep us
Love us
Forever
Please never let us go.

Numb

This was from the worst night of my life. I wrote it with my heart so it's not really the best poem ever but...yeah:

A piece of my soul is ripped from my heart
I lie here numb from the inside out
Wishing for something to keep me
Safe from the darkness that is now developing
A tear falls
And You’re here with me

How do you know?...Part 2 (Theological version)

How do you know if you're really called to be something? Like God called me to be a missionary but I also want to be a missionary. If I become a missionary based solely on the idea that God has already blessed me and without further inquiry then might going into that particular field hurt the Body of Christ rather than help it? Perhaps I would do a number, emotionally, on the people I come across as I was not supposed to be a missionary and I would hurt them spiritually in that matter, as well, therefore making it harder for other missionaries in that area to help them to recover. But whatever field I am blessed to be in is lacking because I decided to be a missionary, instead. But, on the other hand, I cannot inquire of God for the rest of my life, assuming something might change. Afraid to move because I might hurt someone. That shows a lack of faith that God would tell me His plan for my life.

How do you know if you're blessed to be with someone? What if you feel like God is saying that He is blessing you to be with that person in the future but not now? Is that set in stone? Couldn't something one of you does change that blessing? And still, while they're still your brother in Christ, you need to love them as such and not think of them constantly as your possible future husband or whatever because 1) it may not happen and 2) you're not even dating yet and that's slightly creepy. What if you feel like you'll just end up hurting them and they deserve someone so amazing? Someone with a better sense of humour and who is more in love with God than you are. Are you questioning God, and, therefore, showing Him your lack of faith in who He has blessed to be with you because you feel like he's too good for you? Or maybe blessing someone so great to be with you is His way of showing you how great you really are.

How do you know if someone's Christian? Is it appropriate to ask such a question? It's a heart thing and we can't possibly know and of course there's the "good fruit" aspect but beyond that...can someone out their just look into their eyes and just know? Because I think that would be very helpful to people in churches following leaders who don't believe what they preach and the people on t.v. who are only in it for the money. To differentiate between real and fake is so hard. But some people really don't know that what they're doing is wrong so you can't blame them, right? You could even say that of anyone who does anything wrong. If they understood how much they hurt God...if they saw Him cry over them or if they even saw how His people pray over them, maybe they'd know. But how could anyone really know what they do to God? How much we hurt the Almighty?

I'm going off topic now and I don't know what else to say. That's all I suppose.

How do you know?...

How do you know if your thoughts are normal or weird? Like if you wonder what it would be like to see the world through flame. From the inside looking out. It wouldn't be hurting you or anything...it would just look different. Smoky and hard to focus.

How do you know if you're normal? You only know things from your perspective, right? Not from every other perspective to compare. What if they're all lying to you because they don't think that they're thoughts or what they do is normal when all of it is, they just don't know it?

How do you know when you're really angry or sad or happy or giddy? How does anyone? It's not like anyone can explain the feelings to the person who might be asking so as to quell the fears of not knowing.

How do you know when people are really your friends or your enemies or how one person feels toward another? And for that matter how do they, themselves, know how they feel? Is the world really so complex that so many outside sources would change our view of somebody without us ever actually examining our own ideas on how we feel about them or is the world just as simple as "it all comes down to me"?

How do you know when someone is wise when that wise person is not to admit that they believe themselves to be wise? And if someone else believes them to be wise then that wise person is to immediately tell them that it isn't so and that no one is truly wise. Is that it? Is no one wise? Was no one ever really wise? Or were they just bound by wisdom rules?

How do you know what the rules are? They must be unwritten somewhere far above and some people seem to get most of them or perhaps, at least, some of them, but what of us who can't grasp any; who have these questions which might not just have one answer but might have many? If we cannot obtain one simple answer then how could we obtain them all?

How do you know there aren't such a thing as monsters? There might not be vampires or ghosts or werewolves but monsters are not in the name, monsters are in the act. There are plenty of monsters mixed in with humans, right? Or, perhaps, humans are all monsters but just to different degrees...with their own monsters waiting to be let out. Monsters need only a reason...a key to let them out of their cage. So are we all Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

How do you know when you're too tired to just be? To exist? When mere existence with people and their monsters and their assumptions and their generalities...when it all becomes too much?

I think I'd make a good writer...lol

Duality in essence

First of all I would like to point out that I don't know why the category is "religion and philosophy". This is a philosophical epiphany which is basically just a personal expounding of an earlier epiphany of Jonathan Brownell that also just so happens to be of a religious character. Usually it is either one (philosophy) or the other (religion) but now it can be both (also known as theology)...hoorah!

Secondly I would like to state that to make a blog about every epiphany I have would be both pointless and annoying to all who would read them but if I were to expound on what Jonathan had said on the note that was written on Facebook then I fear I would be called, again, a firehose and one does not like to be put down in such a way so I figure that this is a way for me to express my thoughts in an environment that if you (my dear readers) think that this is too long then you (my dear readers) can go elsewhere and suck a lemon.

Thirdly the question that was asked that started the philosophical epiphany was "What is the nature of duality as it applies to the truth and/or life?" and Jonathan's response was as follows:

"Well, if your looking for duality in truth, then there's only truth and falsity.

Life would be, life or death.

Therefore the nature of it is either one or the other. For instance, everything we know of that is alive will have the inevitable end eventually. Truth and Falsity however only exemplifies itself through the manifistation of human thought. In nature, there is only truth. There is or there isn't. Only in human minds can things be twisted in such a stance that things can be unclear."

This got me thinking that this is indeed true (most of it, at least, I agree with). To expound on it a bit more though, duality -- true duality -- exists despite humans' ideas on the matter. Humans have a way of making the picture seem black, white and gray. For instance, a "half-truth". To one who exists in either pure light or pure darkness this is an example of a lie and is bad. There is no gray area. There is no in between. There is only black and white. Humans live in the in between. We cannot be utterly pure but we refuse that we are utterly bad because we are made by one that is utterly pure so we make up an in between and live in it. We do good things but not to the glory of God and so it is never for the right reason. We believe that if our good outweighs our bad then we will go to heaven but the pure cannot live with anything but the pure which is why we need salvation. To God anything but absolute purity is completely and utterly unpure.

This brings me to my next point: It is well established that the road to heaven is a narrow one while the road to hell is wide ("Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." Matthew 7:13). I thought about this in purely philosophical terms and this makes sense. If everything in the gray area belongs to the darkness and nothing can belong to the light unless it is completely pure then of course most things will be in darkness. I thought about it again in another way (for those of you who learn by seeing). A Venn Diagram with one circle being evil, the other being good and the middle being the gray area. If both the evil and the gray area are classified by both completely evil and completely good sides as being evil then you have one entire circle devoted to darkness and part of a circle devoted to the light. There will be less people going toward the light because of our ideas nowadays too, but that's just a personal opinion. Or so many of those that are with the light and accept salvation will accept it and love the light less radically than those that loved the light before them.

These were just some of my thoughts before I went to sleep last night as I prayed because I was inspired both by the wonders of the Lord my God and by the far reaches of human intelligence but only if the Lord helps with human intelligence. If He didn't help us out we would be less than useless.

The Most Horrible Dream Ever!

(So some of these poems and stories and rantings are split between Myspace and Facebook and some won't be on either so I'm just putting them all on here so I can keep track of all of my craziness)

I had the most horrific dream ever tonight (April 2, 2009). At first it was all hunky-dory. Me in a beauty queen pageant, vampires, conspiracies to kill various people, people that I liked that tried to kill me (or were getting around to it) and your every-day love interest, etc...The normal stuff.

But out of nowhere a huge bomb was dropped about 20 minutes from where I was. A nuclear one. I ran and didn't look back but I could see it getting brighter and my shadow and other shadows getting smaller (did I mention this was at night?) I could hear, at first, only a very high-pitched sound that hurt my ears and, as it grew closer, the rumbling of the earth moving. This was not the scary part.

I blacked out and when I awoke I looked up (or what I knew to be "up") and there were no stars. There was nothing. Somehow I knew that this meant there was no more God. His glory and His majesty shown throughout the earth was gone. I wasn't really sad at first...really more in the denial phase. I called out and told Him that He couldn't be gone and that I needed Him. Then I started crying out for Him frantically, searching for some sign of His existence.

Then I awoke from what was, in my dream, about five seconds or so to see stars and I thanked God.

I dreamt a little more, I think, but when I woke up that's the part I couldn't forget. At first I was too sleepy to acknowledge the scariness of an existence with no God so I just said "Thank you. And don't you ever do that to me." But then I thought about it some more and the more I thought about it the more scary and horrible it all was. I was going to tell my dad about it but I realized that I couldn't stop myself from crying so I went into my room, cried a bit, and wrote this (in my journal) so I never take God for granted again.

P.S. On the way to the Moffitt Cancer Center God showed me some of the most amazing sights ever to remind me that even if there might be times that I don't see Him and even though it's not always like it is on the mountain (when we feel blessed and see Him so clearly), He's always there. That He'll never leave. And that He loves me.

Little Red Riding Hood

So little red riding hood was skipping the path one normal and fateful day

When she heard a distinctive wild wolf howl in what seemed like a painful way.

Being the good little girl that she was she ran over there to assist

But to her surprise, with her big brown eyes, she saw the antagonist.

She quickly sat down and worked out a list of the good and bad implications

But her heart would not let her leave the poor wolf with his lonely thoughts of vengeance.

So she deftly got rid of the man-made trap and thought "this wolf surely is blessed".

Then the wolf assailed her and limped away.

The nature of life at its finest.


(I was kind of in a bad mood when I wrote this, hence the negative outlook. Oh, for background this is when little red riding hood and the wolf meet again. For the version of the story that doesn't end with the wolf dying. And when I say "assailed" I mean he killed...it's a wolf attacking a little girl with no one around to help her. She's dead, people.)